Lately I have been thinking why are we, ‘women’, so tough on each other and of course on ourselves. No matter where you go you can find a bunch of girls trashing another girl there may be for the dress she is wearing or maybe for the way she’s talking to a guy or maybe for the way she is eating her food!!
I was at this party the other night and while we were trying to figure out why the Dj was playing House music on a Bollywood night, we couldn’t help but over hear a group sitting just adjacent to us. The girls who themselves were clad in Disc-appropriate dresses, were trashing a bunch of girls who were on the dance floor for their ‘slutty neckline’ ‘trampy top’ ‘vulgar moves’ and what not. And its not only there, one can see this reaction every where.
I have grown up listening all elders say ‘women is women’s worst enemy’. There is always some jealousy or temptation to pull the other women down! I never understood why was that so. We are a family of very strong (I always say that 😛 ) four women, and we have always seen each other as our support system and the source of confidence. Or maybe we are just a blessed group of women, exception to the rule!!
But if you look at it, we do tend to compare others and ourselves just too much. In the process we never look at how good we are but always look at the side which should be improved. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that we should strive for excellence. But who decides what is excellence? Who sets the bar for you? Are the expectation which we make to other and to ourselves realistic?? Who are we to judge another person?
If a college girl is seen with a guy, she’s tramp! If a working wife is late in cooking dinner for her in laws, she’s irresponsible! If a mother is unable to help her child in homework she feels guilty for not being a good mother! If a female employee doesnt heed to any remark of male colleagues she is not managerial material! and if she gets a promotion that means she did some ‘extra’ work for the boss!!
We have a list of unrealistic expectations on women. Where did all this start? God knows! A girl has to pretty and intelligent. She has to study hard and work hard too. She has to get a job and take care of her home too. She has to be a good daughter, a good wife and a good mother ( not to forget being a sister, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, friend and all other relations one can ever think of)!!! She should dress appropirately or would be shunned as a ‘slut’. She should not get molested! She should respect all the uncles and bhaiyas around! She should be the perfect ‘daily-soap’ Bahurani to the in-laws! She should be the perfect life partner to her husband, sharing the financial burden and taking the burden of household off of him!
And, God forbid, if she is not any one of these, then she is not a Lady!
(I may tend to use too much of exclamation, but that’s just to show NOT normal all these expectations are)
I read this very interesting article by Chetan Bhagat recently. There is specifically one part that would like to quote. Partly because its something I feel is wrong with women and partly because its just TRUE..
“The first behaviour that needs to end is the constant desire to judge other women. Women are hard on themselves. They are harder on each other. An overweight woman enters the room. Most women are thinking ‘how fat is she?’ A working mother misses a PTA meeting due to an office deadline, others think ‘what a terrible mother she is’. A girl in a short skirt makes other women go ‘Slut!’ in their heads. A pretty woman’s promotion makes other women wonder what she had been up to to get the job. From an ill-fitting dress to a badly cooked dish, you are ready to judge others. This, despite knowing, you yourselves are not perfect. As a woman, it is tough enough is to survive in a male dominated world. Why be so hard on each other? Can you let each other breathe?”
Maybe before we ask the world around us to change, we should change our own outlook. We are educated and independent women and this is not 1950’s anymore. We have to come above all those outdated standards that society had set for us and break them. We make our lives. We make our rules. And if they don’t like it, then.. Well then its their problem not ours. 😛